
I knew the one thing that would make me feel better would be Dunkin’ Donuts. So I trekked through JFK like a shopper on black friday. I found it. Of course I found it, I was on the east coast now. The hunt was much easier than looking for decent Mexican food in the East Midlands (I had to make it myself). I stepped up to the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. I could do this.
They had red velvet donuts and the kind of coffee I liked. Everything would be okay. The cashier gave me my total, and I smiled the small smile that can only be produced by having exact change.
“Honey, where do you think you are?” The cashier said laughing. I thought maybe I had been daydreaming, so I stared at her for a moment. Then I noticed the money that she was giving back to me. I had shoved a handful of pounds into her awaiting hand, not dollars. This was America. I was back in America. I mumbled a quick ‘sorry’ and looked down, trying to choke down the tears that were burning the back of my eyes. I handed her my debit card, not wanting to dig through my bag for the $10 bill that was neatly folded in a pocket somewhere. And so it began.
It all began with a very loud, very public breakdown on the floor of Heathrow Airport. Well, that is how it ended: the most amazing four months of my life. It ended with me attempting to drown Heathrow with my tears, hoping I would never have to leave.
This breakdown, however, was due to stress and thinking I was going to have to pay almost $300.00 to check a third bag that was really a carry-on, but no one seemed to notice. I was upset to leave England; the thought was earth shattering. But at this moment, I had other things, like this baggage problem, to worry about. Shout out to the Delta employee who finally realized that yes, my bag would fit in an overhead bin, and saved my life. You are a hero.
It was the morning of January 5th, 2013. The moment I had been dreading since I had landed at Heathrow a little over four months before. I spent the fall term of my senior year studying at University of Leicester. Studying in England had been a dream of mine since I was nine years old and spent one night in a hotel in London on a layover to Italy. The not-quite-a-day I spent skipping through rain drops and peering through the gates of Buckingham Palace had changed my life. It became an obsession, studying in England. My dream had come true, and like all good things, my dream had come to an end.
Journey home
On the plane from London to New York, I watched the first 20 minutes of at least seven movies, but I couldn’t concentrate. The American accents of the actors, the plane flying west. It all seemed wrong. It filled me with panic. I had never felt as at home somewhere as I did in England. I knew I belonged there. It is hard to leave a place after you realize that you want to stay there forever. But I got on the plane (so many office betting pools were ruined. No one actually thought I would make it back. Jokes on you, people. No visa means you have to come back), and when the plane landed, I was back on American soil.
Adjusting to being back was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I only had a few instances of culture shock when I went to England. Some funnier ones include: showering in the dark because I couldn’t find the light switch, not understanding two pence coins, and having a brief moment of fear when a cab driver shouted at me for trying to rip him off because I didn’t know you couldn’t pay for a cab with a debit card. But for the amount of time that I spent in England, I adjusted surprisingly quickly and surprisingly well. Holding my fork upside down and in my left hand made sense to me. Seven cups of tea a day made sense to me. Driving on the left side of the road did not make sense to me, but I wasn’t driving anyway, so what did it matter! America, well, America didn’t make sense to me anymore.
“I was a different person. I had grown and felt more comfortable with myself. I had a new found confidence that I didn’t have in Colorado before.”
Tea and orderly lines
A good friend of mine was kind enough to open up her home to me when I first arrived in England, and then again at the end of my stay. One very valuable thing I learned from staying with her was something that her mother told me. Everything can be solved by just stopping whatever it is you are doing and having a cup of tea. Stressed? Have a cup of tea. Upset? Sit down, have a biscuit, and have a cup of tea. Lost? Ask for directions, find a cafe, and have a cup of tea.
I drank a lot, and I mean a lot, of tea when I first got back to Colorado. Why weren’t people lining up so nicely anymore? Why was everyone so loud? Which way do I look when crossing the road again? Wait, you mean I have to drive? Cup of tea. Cup of tea. Cuppa tea. Cuppa.
I was sad when I got back. Really sad. But it was the kind of sadness that you can’t recognize right away. Maybe you think you are tired or hungry. And it’s the type of sadness that sticks with you. There were things that made me happy about being back in Colorado. Faces I hadn’t seen since the weather was still warm. No exchange rate. Burritos. I had changed, though, while I was gone. I was a different person. I had grown and felt more comfortable with myself. I had a new found confidence that I didn’t have in Colorado before. New words were added to my vocabulary. New clothes were added to my closet. I needed to figure out how to find a place for the new me in my old home. I am still trying to adjust. I may never stop trying to adjust. It’s this feeling, though, that motivates me to try and go back. Well, no, not try. Yoda said that doesn’t exist, right? It motivates me to go back. Sooner rather than later. In the mean time, I look both ways, twice, before I cross the street. Yes, even when it is a one way street.
Homesick
It’s okay to be homesick for a place that you never thought you would call home. It is okay to to still refer to trash cans as ‘bins’ and sweaters as ‘jumpers.’ It is okay to be sad, but it is also okay to be happy. These are things that I didn’t think about when I first got back. These are things that I constantly remind myself of when I sit down to my third cup of tea for the day. Location is a temporary thing, and I’m not stuck anywhere. There are planes to London every single day, and quite easily, I could be on one of them. That right there, that is a comforting thought, innit?
11 Responses to “Cuppa Tea and a Sitdown; My Return from England”
07/23/2014
JoanneI’m a newbie on this website and therefore a year late to your article. However, everything you said is extremely relevant to my current situation, except I’m returning to Britain from the States.
It amazes me how much I don’t want to talk about my experiences with people and not because I didn’t have the most incredible time. It’s because these experiences feel private to me and I want to be able to enjoy thinking about them on my own; I don’t want them to be ‘public’ in a way.
Returning home feels like the most awful thing that has ever happened to me, even though I’ve come back to a loving family life. Everyone seems so different and I feel disconnected to it all. I don’t want to meet up with friends too much because I feel like we’re no longer on the same wavelength.
Your article helped me to realise that others struggle with reverse culture shock too, so thank you. 🙂
07/23/2014
LifeAfterStudyAbroadHi Joanne-
It’s true, no matter where you come from or where you go, reverse culture shock seems to hit without warning or reason.
If you ever feel the need for a platform to talk about your experiences, we’re all ears as you adjust to your new “wavelength”! We realize we’re a US-based site, but any insight on the ‘shock and stories are welcome here. It’d definitely be interesting to see how people return to their home after being in the States–what a twist of perspective for us!
02/17/2014
MarielThis was so great. Honestly feels like you wrote my exact thoughts. I spent last fall semester abroad at University of Nottingham and leaving England has been the most difficult thing. I felt more at home there then where I attend school now and I feel like i’ll be “re-adjusting” until I’m back there again. Thanks so much for writing this, it was great to know others can feel the same way
10/17/2013
JanikaGreat article, Erin. I hung on to every word you wrote. I didn’t study abroad in England, but that’s pretty much how I felt after only having spent 3 weeks in Guanajuato, Mexico. Imagine if I had spent 4 months! With such animated writing like yours, I’m sure there is someone looking for someone like you to write for them in England. Thanks for sharing your story and creating a platform for other ex-study abroad students to revisit beloved memories, if only for a little while. Best of luck in your future endeavors (or endeavour like your lovely Brits would say!), and keep traveling! Obviously, right? I didn’t have to tell you that last part :]
11/21/2013
ErinAww thank you so much for the kind words. I hope someday that someone in England would love for me to write for them. Until then I plan on writing as much as I can here in NYC and making my way over eventually. I am so happy that people seem to connect with my story on such a personal level. It definitely makes the heartache of coming home a little easier.
09/05/2013
Colleen LauerThank you so much for writing this article! I recently discovered this website and the amount of advice and personal stories I’ve read on here are just wonderful!
I studied abroad in London in Spring 2011 and I recently interned in London for 6 months this year. I’ve had the exact same feelings you described in your article both times I’ve returned, and I truly feel like London is my second home. It was an amazing experience which changed the way I viewed the world and myself.
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only feeling this way! Thanks again!
09/16/2013
Erin BrowneIt definitely helps to know that other people feel the same way. London is such a wonderful place, it is hard not to fall in love with it.
Thank you so much for reading!
08/14/2013
ErinThank you everyone for the comments! I really appreciate people taking the time to read about my experience and I love that so many people are connecting to it on such personal levels.
I do have plans to return to England. Nothing set in stone yet. Since my time abroad I have moved across the U.S. from Colorado to New York to pursue a career in Journalism. I am hoping to get my foot in the door at an international outlet here (hey Buzzfeed) and hopefully return by way of office transfer.
Grad school is definitely a good idea for returning. Especially if your University that you studied abroad at offers discounts for degree seeking international students that did an exchange there (mine does and I know of a few others.)
And I am still writing! Now that I have graduated, I am not the managing editor of a travel site. Good things come to those who go abroad.
-Erin
08/13/2013
KaseyI read this feeling very strange that another person finally understands what it’s been like since I have come back to the U.S. from London after studying abroad. It has been almost 2 years for me, and I am still pining for London. Just wondering what your plans are on returning? I never realized how tough it would be go return until I looked at all the laws and requirements. For now, it seems that grad school may be my only option. Any advice?
07/22/2013
BrookeErin, thanks for writing this lovely article. I had a very very similar experience (I was in Manchester though!) both abroad and through coming home. Coming home is so hard, and I think it’s something that people don’t anticipate enough. The hardest thing for me was realizing that my entire life had changed, but life at home was moving at the same pace it always had. I can’t say for sure, but I do think it’s possible you never stop adjusting. I’ve been home for over two years now and I’m STILL reading articles on websites about life after study abroad, if that’s any indication. 🙂 The good news is, you are right about not being stuck. I’m returning to England in 41 days for grad school! Basically, all I’m trying to say is: it sucks right now, I totally understand. It might suck for a while, and I can’t say for sure that it will ever stop sucking. But if you want to make it back, you will. 🙂
07/18/2013
km91Thank you so much Erin for writing this article. I returned to my hometown Sydney, Australia two weeks ago after a year living abroad in Copenhagen. The feelings you describe mirror almost exactly how I am feeling at the moment. It is great to hear someone else so eloquently voice these feelings!
Keep writing,
KM